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3.25.2010

a text message i received from a classmate:

Diane, henry, charm & gizza. ok ba dw sa inu na muad2 ta ugma k mam mayet sa hapon? ana xa, "kc we nid a pool f writers 4 our tv show.segment+ writers. dami topics eh. da hul sume. ok b kau?"..

of course, upon reading this i was like, "really? is that serious?". and then a blast of happiness and excitement flowed on me. i mean, i just can't belive it. of all we were chosen to be part of the so-called writers pool. but, are we gonna receiving some salary or honorarium for working the whole summer? (haha, such a bastard. but what the hell it's the thing that's important to me right now!)

however, money was not the thing that really struck me. it was about how we were chosen. that same classmate, again, texted us that we were chosen by the teacher herself (mam mayet). but, i don't just understand why us, why me? i mean, in our major i'm not really that good in writing and according to our reliable source our teacher picked us because we were the best writers or better than the others (haha). and i wonder how i became one of the best (?!?). but the hell i care, i was chosen. so maybe, i'm one of the best. woohooo

i just hope i'll be receiving something in return...puhleeeeeeezzzzzzz...haha

Labels: all about money, greed, happiness, happy, life

+ yaNix + 3/25/2010 05:13:00 AM

3.23.2010

and so tomorrow's my birthday...weeeeee...wooohoooooooooooooo...

hmmm, actually i've nothing to write...really nothing...no serious stuffs...no shallow topics...no nonsense...nothing...

i just wanna say i'm HAPPY(birthday)...hahhahaha

Labels: happiness, happy, life

+ yaNix + 3/23/2010 07:41:00 AM

3.04.2010

DETACHED

For so long I haven’t cried nor see any person crying. I’m not literally crying though but deep inside there’s something which creeps me. I’m not so sure what it is but I think this is something you called genuine friendship. Yeah I’ve been friendly and all but I really never felt that I was a real friend to anybody. But wait it’s not what you think it is. I’m not plastic or untrue to all my friends. I’ve been a good friend, I think. But, at this very moment I feel that I’m really a true friend. I may not be the sweet and showy type of person but I know I’ve done more than enough to just show my friendly side. But it’s not just about being friendly. It’s more than that. It’s about how long you will stand for the one you love. It’s about being there for them no matter what happens, no matter how bad they can get.

Well, you might wonder why I titled this blog DETACHED when in fact all I’m saying is about friendship, on how I am as a genuine friend. Hmm, basically this has something to do with friendship but the main issue is not really about it. The main issue is the useless, oh no not really useless but let me call it the irrational-defense-due-to-a-total-heartbreak-thingy.

The real deal is about a friend who is facing the extremity of a monstrous crime which she did not even make. And yes, this makes her cry all night (that was what she said) and fake every single day with a smile. Every noise she hears becomes a melody to her ear. All this time she’s been catching herself drowned into the unending body of water which allows her to die internally. She’s not crazy. She’s not dead, yet. But she’s getting out of air to breathe. She’s almost dying because of this sudden weight of problem she’s been carrying for days. And she’s not used to it, nobody is. All these things are crap. Why because the reason is lame and useless. Yes, her enemy (let me call that person the dumb-ass) was hurt, badly hurt but should that be dumb-ass’ reason of all these unsound assertions? Okay, fine I’m on it. I get it. Dumb-ass was in total hell when s/he knew everything about the fabrication. Maybe dumb-ass still clings to the fabricated injustice my friend has put him/her into or s/he may have not overcome the unreal and lustful fantasy. Dumb-ass is just a human being and if I were him/her I’ll feel so bad to the point that I’ll also do something out of the ordinary just to prove to that someone who hurt me that I’m not gonna give up just like that. But I’m sure I’ll not be bitter like dumb-ass. I’ll not also make myself clean in the eyes of everybody and hide my dirtiest self. I’ll not use my power to abuse anybody. I’ll not prove to my enemy that I’m better than s/he is because in the eyes of God I am the best. I need not his/her judgment and I don’t need him/her in my life anymore. I know my friend made a mistake. I know that in a way she also deserve pain and injustice but not in this way. Right now this is not just pain but suffering. She was like maltreated because she was not given the equal treatment. Her rights were violated.

Being a powerful person doesn’t mean you have the control of everybody. It doesn’t have to follow. Besides you don’t need to control everybody because we were created equally therefore we are equal. I don’t wanna say anything anymore so I’ll just end my blog here. I hope everything’s gonna be fine. I hope justice will always prevail.

Labels: childish, friends, hate, kaulit, unlike

+ yaNix + 3/04/2010 02:57:00 AM

I M M A T U R E D

How do you read this? IMMATURE minus the D, I plus apostrophe then M space MATURE minus the D (read as I’m mature), or IM not included MATURED (read as matured).

So which is which? Which of these do you prefer or do you think fits you? Actually the answer is it depends on how you see yourself, on how you see life. Maybe for some they would think they’re still immature. Others would label themselves as mature enough. But do you really think you’ve matured already? Or do you know what immature is and what mature really is?

Immature is a verb which means not fully developed, childish, and/or stylistically crude and imperfect. On the other hand, mature may mean acting or seeming like adult or simply adult, experienced, fully developed, involves serious thinking, etc.

Again, which of the two defines your person? Are you immature or mature? As for me I am both. Why because in life, regardless of age, you can be either. If you can make a stand with your opinion or if you can simply make your own decisions brought about by serious matter then you are mature. But if you still cling to others’ decision before making your own, if you are still dependent with the others in a not-really-practical-way then you are still immature.

However, being immature or mature shouldn’t limit your being. It shouldn’t be the justification of your whole person because it does not always follow. In some instances you can act as if you’re a child longing for some guidance from your folks or you make decisions which are shallow or those things which cannot do well to you.

In my life, I’ve been nuts asking and proving myself if I matured already or if I’m still on the level of immaturity. Then for every single day of seeking answers, I figured out that I don’t need to worry about this because people can be both. People are immature and mature.

As I walk around the campus, as I listen to my neighbors, as I watch the news, and as I surf the internet, our being IMMATURE is inevitable! We are all immature because we tend to ask the questions which don’t need answers. We tend to always make ourselves better than others without realizing that we’ve stepped on their person. We even do some killing just to make a living. We think of ourselves. We are selfish and are never selfless. We may be rational but in the deepest part of our brains we are irrational. We don’t really understand ourselves because we seek for the things which aren’t there and which can never be ours. We are never complacent. We want more. And we’ll never stop until we find that unanswered query which is already tattooed in the innermost part of our subconscious mind.

And I, I know myself well enough (but not totally). And for the almost 20 years of my entity I’ve known where and when I became mature. I felt my maturity when I decided what course to take up in college (which is BS Development Communication), applied for a scholarship grant in Xavier University to also help my family with my schooling, what to do after graduation (though literally I’m not a graduate yet). Not only my maturity is being evident but also the immature things I’ve done. However, there’s no need to fill this page with those because it will really cost a lot. Haha. And the reason why I realize that people can be both immature and mature is the time when I said I’ve had forgiven my father when in fact I totally didn’t. It’s so sad to say this or write this rather because the moment I thought I’d forgiven him made me happy. I didn’t think that forgiving him was just an act I have to face and forget (which I just face and didn’t forget at all because it was tattooed in my mind already and I can’t take it away). Yeah right I’ve had forgiven him but I also forgot how to trust him. I love him still but without trust and faith I don’t think this father-daughter relationship would work. I don’t know if that moment, when I was still a child who believed that our family was the best, would come back. I don’t just know.

So how about you, what do you think you are? Are you the immature type, the mature one or both? How do you read this?

Labels: bad, bad habits, hate, unlike

+ yaNix + 3/04/2010 02:55:00 AM