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5.26.2009

Since the internship program is done, I guess it’s time for me to also give my realizations-slash-learning for just six weeks of working. Actually I cannot consider it as work because though it’s a serious thing still there’s always a time for leisure. Well, in the real world no one can survive by seriously working without some leisure moments. But in my whole six weeks of working at MINCODE I haven’t experienced any fear. However, I was and am so pressured. It’s not because of the people I work with but by the fact of injecting writing in all of my work. I, more than a hundred percent, know that I do not have this talent. Maybe I love writing but I do not know how to do it properly. I still even commit grammatical error and all that. And I was pressured because all I did was write and write. I mean I am not a journalism major. Yeah, I’ve undergone that though in our DC 3 but I didn’t know if I’ve improved. One thing I know is that I’m not a good writer. I couldn’t even imagine myself becoming a writer. But thanks to MINCODE anyway because finally I experienced writing.

Oh, I babble again. I’m sorry for not stopping myself. I was just so engrossed with this one. So okay here’s my realizations-slash-learning for the whole six weeks:
1. I never thought that working in an NGO is so much of a work. I thought it was just like school wherein you get your task; you do your part thingy. And you will not be expecting something or felt so much pressure upon submitting your outputs unless if it’s a pass or fail thingy. But it was not! In this field you need to acquire many skills. It’s not just about writing or reporting alone. It’s a combination of writing, reporting, and everything. Whew! And this is serious man. So, so serious.
2. In friendship, age doesn’t really matter. I never thought that I can share banter with the people who are really older and intellectual. I mean I know in some point of my life I’ve been or is acting like a child and because of that I never really thought that making friends with old people is no hassle. And I’ve been dumb and brainless so I really appreciated that they didn’t saw that in me. A toast to MINCODE for that! Haha
3. In an organization, arrogant and feeling people really exist! (I haven’t found that in MINCODE but in the other organization and I’m not gonna tell what it is). They try to act and sound intelligent even if they’re really not.
4. I thought that young guys are the only people who think and believe in their being polygamous. I was wrong again! Even married people thought of that too. They are even proud of it. (I don’t know what make them proud of it. It’s nonsense and hateful. And oh those people I mean here are still those feeling and arrogant I mentioned in number 3.)
5. I never expected that I could be friends with Pringles. I neither hated her nor liked her. I just thought that when I come to work at MINCODE we can only share similar experiences from DevCom or from the internship thingy. But it was more than that. We became close and shared some secrets (I’m not gonna tell it).
6. I realize that if a person doesn’t talk to you it doesn’t mean that s/he doesn’t like you. It’s just that s/he is maybe shy or not the type of person who wants to babble all the time like me. (But I’m very quiet when I don’t know anybody, really.)
7. I felt I was blessed and that my hometown is blessed. Whenever we visit some places of Agusan and Surigao del Sur I saw how hard their lives are. They do not have sanitary comfort rooms. They do have comfort rooms but it’s not made of concrete materials. Some of them do not have electricity and water sources. They even have or experience financial problems (well all of us experience having even not a single centavo in our pockets. However, theirs is different.)
8. I’m starting to appreciate life now.
Just like Joker’s line in Saw 2, “Those who don’t appreciate life, don’t deserve life”.

But in my case it doesn’t apply because I’m loving my life now, I’m loving myself.
All in all, I realized that this thing I wrote is all about the “I”, “I thought”, and the”I never thought”. Haha. But really, it was so much fun working with the people whom I’ve learnt a lot from. They showed me how it is like living in the real world. And I’m glad that I was and have been, in a way, a part of MINCODE once in my life!

Labels: personal, realizations

+ yaNix + 5/26/2009 07:56:00 AM

Insecurities are common to people whether the ordinary or the so famous person in the world have these. As for me, since I’m one of the very ordinary people lived here, I can say that there are too many insecurities waiting to be revealed. So here’s the list of it all.

1. I always wanted to be tall. Yes, the adjective I used is tall (just tall and not taller) because I’m only 4’9. See how small I am? Uhm well I think the adjective shouldn’t be ‘always’ because I think and I’m sure of it that I’ve overcome this one. Good for me!
2. If nose-bridges can be fixed by my bare hands, I would’ve done so. Haha. Yeah, my nose is kinda cute (unfortunately not the cute-cute, it’s small. haha). I haven’t overcome this one yet. But what can I do? It just runs in the family. Grrr.
3. My very curvy and full-size legs. Yeah, it’s odd because I’m small. But duh! I have one of the biggest legs ever. (I love my upper legs though, but hate my lower legs.)
4. For some being big-busted is so much of a want. Oh actually a need for them. Haha. But it’s freaking me out. (Whut did I just typed? Oh no, it’s actually a gift so thank you Lord. It’s just that it’s making me look tinier and bigger. Huhu. I look like a small barrel of water.)
5. My teeth aren’t that nice. Yeah, it’s not really nice at all. (BRACES! BRACES! BRACES!). haha. I think that’s the solution for it. However, my parents don’t have the money for it yet. Oh well, I can only believe in THE SECRET. Just think positive and feel the positive energy! (BRACES! BRACES! BRACES!)
6. The flabs!!! Grrr. I plainly hate having ‘em. (sigh). I hope I could get thinner. Puhleez!! (sigh)
7. My hair! I used to have black, shiny, and healthy hair. But now it’s not anymore. Huhu. I wonder what I have done to it. As I remember I used to clip and tie my hair like that of jolina magdangal. Haha. Should that be the reason? Hmm!?!
8. Oh and my voice! My singing voice in particular…I just wanted to have a beautiful singing voice. Huhu all my cousins sing well. I can sing but not that good. (I should practice, practice, practice). Who’s in? Who’s willing to teach moi? Haha.
9. And lastly and the darkest secret is my underarms. Yeah, huhu it's getting darker. It’s not a good sign for me. Huhu. But there are those skin-slash-underarm whitening out there I know. I just hope that it would work. Puhleez (cry,cry,cry). 

See? It’s kinda long right? Whew! It made me produce tons of sweat huh! Haha. Oh well, just acting like a normal person. In no time I know that I should and I must overcome and solved these personal issues. May the Lord God bless me!

Labels: and i, hope, me, myself, personal, rant

+ yaNix + 5/26/2009 07:53:00 AM

It’s not unusual anymore for people to wish and aim for what’s best for them. Oftentimes, they tend to be not contented of what they have which is in a way normal. However there comes a time wherein the level of being not complacent becomes overboard. Sometimes people just think of themselves and nothing else. But somehow it’s just their way of showing to the others that they are not vulnerable or weak enough to cry over what they don’t have or have lost. Or if not it’s their manner of hoping or of being positive in everything. And since I am a normal person who also wishes for so many things, here are some of my must-haves and to-do-lists before I turn twenty next year (2010). Haha.
1. Since music has been and will always be a part of me (though I’m not always updated), I should learn how to sing well (that means I must acquire the best singing voice I can have). Haha.
2. I’ve overcome my insecurity about my height. However, people tend to think that I’m still a kid because of my petite figure and my way of behaving. Therefore I must act my age. (This is a tough one though but I should do this!)
3. In our on-the-job-training-slash-internship-program-slash-subject what I did was write, therefore I should practice that skill so that I can improve on it. Haha
4. I love books but I do not consider and cannot call myself a bookish or bookworm because I am not always updated with the latest books, I haven’t read many books, and honestly I do not know how to choose the best books. (That is quite a revelation to me actually). So I must increase my reading habit because it’s really a need not just because of my course but because it’s giving me life. (Seriously!)
5. My friends are indeed important in my life. Unfortunately I tend to hold back or act as if I’m a new person when I’m with them for the first time after a long time of not seeing them. I don’t know why I’m like that. And I so hate that attitude! I still love them and so much wanting to be with them. I enjoy my time being with them. However, my time does not always approve of my endeavor to be with them. So what I want is to mend my attitude to have my friends back!
6. Spiderman said that, “with great power comes great responsibility”. I, in my own, must have and learn to be responsible enough! I must always think more than a hundred times before making my decisions because for me it’s better to be sure of all your decisions. It’s best to be ready of what might gonna happen in the future since nobody can guess what his/her future will be. Besides, the choices we make now will affect us for the rest of our life. (This last sentence is inspired by and is from FLIPPED – it’s a book which Shane let me borrowed.)
7. Hatred. Yeah this is about hatred as in H-A-T-R-E-D!!! Don’t worry this isn’t gonna be bad after all. What I really want to say is that I hate it when I hate anybody. Actually I felt this for a long time ago with someone who is so dear to me (but I’m not gonna mention who’s that). I’ve overcome this one and at the moment there’s nobody I hate. But I include this one on my list to remind myself that this isn’t good and that I don’t want to be under this feeling anymore. (I just hope so. It’s hard hating someone!)
8. “Do not judge the book by its cover” and I’m guilty of this! Really! And so I want to vanquish this one. I hate it when someone judged me directly without even letting me prove myself to them. But, I did not foresee that what I’m doing is just the same. So, so, so I think this is really the time to start behaving appropriately. I must not judge anybody unless the reason is that heavy enough and is right of course. Haha
9. Cost and worth are very different things – Brandon from the movie confessions of a shopaholic
I should not buy things which are not important and not my needs. If it falls on the category of likes, wants, and whatsoever with no importance in my life at all, then it should be forbidden.
10. Don’t you know that being a devcom student implies so many things? Well I guess all devcom students know and should know that! First our main purpose is to make change. I know it’s quite heavy but what can we do, that’s the teaching. Haha. So we must start change within ourselves. And in my case I think I should show the environment how important she is to me, in our existence. Like what ye ye – a character from the book Chinese Cinderella - said, “…everything else can be made better or cheaper or faster, but not land (earth). It’s the only commodity that can never be duplicated or replaced”. And when I read that book I realized how true the words were and how useless I was when I tried to hurt mother earth. (Bongga! But really I’m serious.)
11. Also I realized that life is very important not just because we are alive but because God gave us the chance to see the beauty of His creation. So I should start loving life and appreciate every turns and chances it gives me. As what joker of the movie Saw (2) quoted, “those who don’t appreciate life don’t deserve life”. And I want to prove to everyone that I’m deserving of this life. So I must appreciate it. Haha
12. Believing in my worth is one of the hardest things to do. I didn’t thought nor believe that there are so many things on earth which I can do. But now is the time to show love to myself. I’ve loved myself so much yet I didn’t showed how grateful I am to be who and what I am. (I love me!)
13. Parenting is maybe the hardest job of all! So to my parents I now promise that I’ll be good. I know it’s hard but I’ll do it and be in my best-est 'tude all the time. I haven’t been that good to them actually no matter how I wanted to be. I always put them down (well not literally). But I’ve always hurt their feelings so it’s really the time to show them how important they are in my life.
14. It’s really hard not to listen to people’s comments about you but sometimes it’s better to pretend i'm deaf. But suddenly I pondered that since nobody can please everybody it’s best to take their comment in a positive way. It’s hard I know but people’s pain comes from their way of understanding and putting meaning into words/actions/expressions/gestures. My intention is to be positive. It should always a mind over matter thingy. Or the ideas of the secret (movie/book) should be followed. It works!

Wow, this is indeed a list. But no matter how long this list is I hope I can give answers to all of this. Haha. And I’m giving myself less than a year to accomplish these. (I wonder if the singing thingy can be done in less than a year?!?)

Labels: and i, hope, me, myself, personal

+ yaNix + 5/26/2009 07:49:00 AM